Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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