I heard we made out
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize