That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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