oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
