Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
