well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
