I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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