he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
