I think I am morally bankrupt
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
