So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
