Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Houston, we have a blender
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize