Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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