in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
