What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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