atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
