i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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