Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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