The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
