Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
