My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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