mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This toilet bowl is my home.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize