Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
