He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
