I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
