Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
