Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
