This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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