Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
