I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
