aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
