I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
