you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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