I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
