her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
