go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
