I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
