Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
