They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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