why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You made out with two different species that night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
