Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
