I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why do cheetos always look like penises
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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