Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
