I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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