I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
