where am i from again
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
