The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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