I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
