taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
