Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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