No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
