How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
