I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
