Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
