i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
do nipples grow back?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
