Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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