You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
