a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
