In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
