So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
