what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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