it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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