And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
nutella sex= disaster
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
