why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
