I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
