I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
