Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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