I think I just saw someone hide a body.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
