Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
