you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
