i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
