so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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