The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize