That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
