so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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