My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
