Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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