maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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