but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
