1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
