i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
