Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
