So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
