her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
