my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
