how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
