Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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