wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
